Is it just like every other new year. Absolutely.
But everyone has to start somewhere, right? And as awful as this may be, this is my new beginning. It has to be.
That was me yesterday afternoon. No cropping, no sucking it in, no standing at a perfect angle, and no hiding behind a tee-shirt. This is me. As perfect and imperfect as I am.
Alex took the photos for me and when I saw them I cringed. That is not the image I see in the mirror every day. Instantly I had a ton of reactions to this picture. The first one was “Oh, I can not post that online!”. Which was immediately followed by anger, frustration, disgust, disappointment, hurt, humiliation, stress, sadness, fear, and shock.
He was quick to jump in with how beautiful I am, being his typical charismatic self.
But how did I miss this? Am I blind to what I see everyday?
This photo is not one that I am okay with, and so I start again. I considered taking the usual measurements too (waist, bust, neck, and maybe my arms), but the truth is that those measurements are not as important right now. At least not to me. I want to place the important on how I feel (emotionally and physically), how my clothes fit, and the overall number on the scale.
Speaking of the number on the scale. I weighed in yesterday morning at 222.0 ! Yikes that is a big ole number!
I will be tracking my weigh in’s and most of my food on MyFitnessPal. (I say most because I truly hope to focus on a cleaner, more whole, way of eating. We will see how it goes.) I made some good friends on MyFitnessPal during my last go around, so at the very least I hope to add back some of that accountability.
Finally, I think I am going to change my weigh in day. In the past it was always on Wednesday, but I want to change it to Sunday’s. I’ve always considered Sunday the start of a new week and it will also keep me more on track during the weekends (when I tend to go astray).
Here’s to my new beginning, and yours too! Whatever it may be!