WordPress is telling me that this is my 400th blog post! WOW! In almost 3 years of writing in this space I have finally reached 400. I am kind of excited to see what 500 brings! 🙂
I’ve never fallen in love quite like this before. But at the same time I’ve never experienced the struggles, illnesses, or feelings like I have over the last 6-10 months.
It is possible that I began slipping into darkness when Alex accepted the internship at Disney. My life was going to change in a way that I wasn’t really prepared to deal with. I changed and let myself become consumed with the darkness. Looking back I know that what I was struggling with was some form of depression. At that stage in the relationship I did not know that I would soon be diagnosed with PCOS too.
The things I was feeling were not Alex’s fault. I tried to fight the constant nagging of negative feelings, but they became so overwhelming that it eventually broke me. It broke the relationship too. For many reasons I resented Alex.
After the break, and for two solid months, things were just not good for Alex and I. Often times I wasn’t sure if we were even friends. Yelling, screaming, bickering, and name calling had replaced the love and compassion we once shared. The relationship that was once full of love and hope had dissipated before our very eyes. The worst part? We were both very helpless and vulnerable during this time. Such a sick feeling for a girl who was still so in love.
Fast forward to May…
One day something just changed and we were mutually sympathetic for one another.
The first weekend of May Alex’s parents were visiting him and setup camp at Disney’s Fort Wilderness. Hardships aside, I joined them for two nights.
The following Sunday, Mother’s Day. Alex cut ties with Disney and moved home. It was not the scheduled end for his internship, but he was no longer benefiting from being there. With open arms, and almost 3 months early, I welcomed him home.
This is when the rebuilding began…
It seemed as though we were always there for each other – no matter the distance, the drama, the illness, or any other crap between us. When it came down to it we mattered to each other. To some degree we wanted the same thing, but we weren’t sure how to get it. It was a gray area and we were a little skeptical.
It was a month full of long talks, honesty, togetherness, celebrating our birthdays and date nights. Honestly, there were times that I wasn’t sure what we were doing, but I knew I had to keep the hope alive. After all, true love is what I had been holding onto all this time. Finally, our love for one another re-grew and blossomed into a relationship that is now much stronger than it was before.
Looking back now, it was equally important for us to go through all the STUFF that we did as individuals, and as a couple. We did a lot of growing, learning, and figuring out in those early months of 2013. While neither of us want to go through anything like that again, I am thankful we are here today. Side by side.
Next week is our 2 year anniversary and we are choosing to celebrate. Celebrate us!
As this post comes to a close Alex and I are somewhere in Orlando having a spontaneous day. The only things on our agenda are: enjoying each others company and watching the special 4th of July edition fireworks show at Magic Kingdom.