For me, a huge part of weight gain/weight loss is how I feel and fit in my clothes.
Through this year I have gained back about 20 pounds that I had lost, and lately I have found myself in a constant state of maintenance. To say that I don’t like how I feel, or look, in my clothes would be an understatement. Unfortunately the feelings of dislike are not something that is new to me in this particular area. I’ve been unhappy with the fit of my clothes for a long time and it didn’t happen over night.
Let me explain. In high school I was comfortable in sizes medium and large, depending on the brands. Once I was out of high school and into the real world my weight started to change but my clothing did not. I was pouring every extra pound I gained into the clothes I used to fit so comfortably in. Initially, this wasn’t a problem but as my weight continued it’s gradual climb I had to face the realization that my clothes were now too small.
Today, 9 years removed from high school and still battling my weight, the majority of clothes in my closet are still to small. They are not the same sizes as they were back then, but they still don’t accurately reflect my current size. I hate opening my closet and not finding a thing I want to wear, or can even feel beautiful in.
Recently, I shed a whole new light on this situation. I was at work pushing new fall arrivals out to the floor when I came across a really cute dress for the woman’s section. I took a size 1 (I find woman’s sizing to be intriguing, maybe it’s just me. Anyways, this size 1 was for a 16-18.) and put it to the side. Later I tried it on and I was amazed at how different I felt. I was wearing a dress that fit me, and I felt pretty! Alex said I look beautiful, as always – yeah, he is a keeper.
For years and years I refused to accept how my body had changed from my high school days. I think I can call that denial. During that time I only made myself more uncomfortable and unhappy. Part of me wants to think that this vicious cycle also resulted in some (not all) weight gain. How many times did I try something on in a department store, have it not fit, and then walk down to the food court for a “pick me up treat”? Let that simmer for a moment…
The point is, this summer I’ve tried to accept who I have become – body and all. I have learned to properly dress myself and clothing and sizes that are complementary to me. Wouldn’t you know that can make all the difference in the world?
It was never a matter of “lose 5 or 10 pounds and those jeans will fit again”. No, it’s more like those jeans are a size 14 and I am a size 18 – it just doesn’t work. I had to accept the real size of my body, and now that I have I actually love myself a little bit more. And for now that I enough to workout harder and eat a little better.
To wrap this up let me say this: My healthiness journey is far from over, but feeling good (beautiful) in my own clothing is a battle all of its own. Feeling confident when I walk out the door, instead of like a stuffed sausage, is one step closer to a new milestone on this journey.