By now it’s no secret that I gained back a lot of weight. For the last month I have been actively fighting to right the wrongs of the past few months. Despite a gradual decline on the scale, it has become clear that I am not fighting hard enough.
Like clock work almost every morning I get up, take care of business, and step on the scale. Assuming I look down to see a number that is less than or equal to the previous weigh in, then all is well for the day. And that is where my reality gets skewed.
One recent morning I stepped on the scale, took a deep breathe before looking down, and then let out a sigh of relief when I saw a one pound loss from the previous week. I pulled my favorite jeans from the closet and began to slip them on. Except they didn’t “slip” on with ease.
Previously these jeans had been a little tight, but I am beginning to think I just didn’t want to accept that the jeans were actually getting tighter all along. I pulled the zipper up, left the button undone, and laced a belt on so you couldn’t tell the button was open. Whoa, big blow to my ego and confidence.
I bought these jeans in June. Size 16 and a wee bit big. Big enough that a belt was necessary. The 14’s were a wee bit too tight. In hindsight, I should have bought 14’s to keep the motivation going but I knew my closet was already stocked with size 12 and size 14’s. I needed a pair for the here and now.
Here I am, 6 months since I first bought the jeans, wearing a belt with my jeans again. It’s not a feel good moment when you need to lace on a belt for the wrong reasons.
I’ve got to fight harder. The girl in the mirror told me to.
Short term goal: wearing a belt for the right reasons, fitting into my 14’s and getting rid of the 16’s forever!