Thursday’s Tangents

Here is a Triple Tangent Thursday post, plus some!

  • The Family Life: It’s not getting any better. I thought things were on the road to recovery, but I should have known better. Normally I would have my dad to count on, as a sounding board, but it seems he have abandoned my ship too. I don’t bring my brothers into, because they’d rather stay neutral and who can blame them! I don’t even want to be stuck in this war! I’ve never felt like such a failure or spent so many nights crying myself to sleep. It’s a horrible movie I wish I could stop from playing.
  • Angry Run: Twice in the last week I have run just to burn off some anger and frustration. Yesterday morning I was up with the sun and the thought of lacing up my running shoes just seemed right. Without my Garmin, MP3 player or cell phone I headed out of my house. I can’t tell you how far, how fast or how many calories I burned. I can tell you that I ran until I cried. Down the street, around the corner, through the neighborhood, one foot after another — I felt the bottled up emotions leaving my body. In that moment, I loved running. Then I stopped to cry. By the time I got back home I felt relief come over me. 
  • Life Sucked Out of Me: With everything going on I haven’t felt like myself. I’m off balance, I’m behind, I’m not my happy self. I hate feeling like this, more than anything. At night I wish to wake up to better days. I feel like I have become an old, colorless person that has had the color erased from her life. 
  • Time to Move: Anyone who knows me knows that moving out of Florida is what I am working towards. I had a moment of clarity on my run yesterday: staying here is NOT an option. It’s not good for me, or my health. Project Move Sabrina is officially under way. Support on this “project” has come from a somewhat surprising source. 
  • The Boy: Please excuse me as I hold back the tears here. He has been my rock. Hands down, I don’t know how I would be getting through this without him. He has been my happiness, my supporter, my comforter, my shoulder to cry on, and my laughter. When I cry tears of sadness and pain, he always finds the way to turn them to tears of happiness. He says and does things that give me so much hope. He is so genuine. I believe in him, and us. His family is something to be treasured. I met them for the first time on Tuesday and I can see why he is the person he is. We’ve embraced the topic of moving, he is open to the idea once he finishes college in the spring. He closed our discussion of moving with: “You deserve to be happy and you should have all the happiness in the world”. For the first time in my adult life I can actually envision a future with a relationship. 
  • Blogging: I just haven’t felt like blogging. Writing or reading. That passion isn’t there. It’s hard to be passionate about blogging when so many other things are weighing on me. I wish it wasn’t the case. I wish I could write through all the pains and feelings, but the words never seem to come. And speaking of, yesterday was my One Year Blogiversary. I have a “looking back” post that I hope to have up soon. 
Chateau de Sabrina will be back to it’s normal, colorful, happy place very soon!

9 thoughts on “Thursday’s Tangents

  1. Meredith

    Miss you lots doll, wish you could be up here so we could give you lots of real hugs. I am so happy that your boyfriend has been unconditionally supportive, you’ve definitely found a wonderful man.

    I’m excited to hear more about “Project Move Sabrina” and if I, or any of us up here in Minnesota can help you, please ask, you will find support, I guarantee it.

    I LOVE that you ran when you felt you needed to, just to clear your head and sort out your feelings, that is a HEALTHY runner girl doing it right! I know the old Sabrina is in there somewhere, cuz you’ve got your running in!

    Not wanting to blog when you have so much weighing down on you is understandable, its just another effort you don’t want to make. On the other hand, your blog doesn’t *have* to be happy happy joy joy, this is your space to write, to share, to reflect..and we’ll read that and support you on that, too.

  2. Michelledidireallysaythat

    Sabrina, I know how hard the family thing is and what it feels like to be a grown up and not feel like you have your life together to show it. It’s a struggle to find all the pieces to fit into place and sometimes it feels like you’ll never get there. But have faith. Keep strong that you will find your path to happiness. And email me if you ever want to chat about it all. I seriously struggled for most of my 30’s feeling like life had started for everyone but me.

  3. armageddjenn

    I’ve been through times like this as I “left the nest” (more than once) when I was younger. The emotions are difficult — and I think running, crying, and sharing with The Boy are not bad ways of dealing with these emotions. Your blog (and friends) will be here when you’re ready to share more.

    Sending you much love. If there is anything we can do to help you make your move, you only have to ask. The Minnesota gang can’t wait for the day that you become one of US for good! 🙂

  4. sarahf

    The boy sounds like a wonderful person, as do you. I hope things with your family improve, or at least get to a less painful place for you. Running the stress away sounds like a great way to deal with things. Hugs.

  5. Becky

    I have no idea how i missed this post and the one above it, but I am so sorry to hear things have been so rough for you lately. Thank goodness you have a wonderful man in your life to balance it out! And I can definitely relate to running with anger/sadness–that was my life back in college. It definitely helps to work through the emotions.

    You are in my thoughts, and I hope you get out of Florida soon!


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