Tick Tock

After turning off my bedroom light and sinking into my cloud like bed I was ready to drift off to dreamland. Comfort and peace always seem to consume me when I am tucked into my bed. But not this morning.  By 2:24am I laid awake after only a few hours of mediocre sleep. The swooshing of my fan blades above was silenced by the steady ticks of my bright red wall clock that hangs on the wall above me.

Something was bothering me. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. 

Ah! Get out of my mind. Without a second thought I knew what the issue was.

I slide out of my bed, switched on my light, and dashed to the other room where I flung on those lights. There it was, staring me down, just as revolting as the noise that had been echoing from my bright red wall clock. My scale!

Here it is, 2:30 in the morning and I am standing barefoot, in my pajamas, in front of my scale. Why am I giving it this power over me? And why at 2:30am? Goodness! 2:30 in the morning is no time for me to be battling with my scale demons, so I faced my judgement.

195.2 

As I slugged my way back into bed where I tried to decipher what was really happening here. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. I began to think of all the time I have let go to waste. I’ve been on my “healthiness journey” for a year and the clock is reminding me of that. I haven’t been losing much at all, but I haven’t gain either. Maintenance is a sleepless place!

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. My mind drifted to every possible corner searching for correlations between the clock and the scale. It was finally sinking in that in the last year I have not done what I intended to do. After a deep exhale of mixed feelings I rolled over and closed my eyes in hopes of a good nights rest. It wouldn’t be sweet dreams.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Time just keeps on pushing, doesn’t it? Now the real challenge begins. I need to learn how to make the clock work for me so I can get where I want to be.

 

Do you have a demon clock hanging above your head? What’s it telling you? 

PS – Don’t forget to enter my Coffee Giveaway! You can have up to three entries!

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11 thoughts on “Tick Tock

  1. Lynsey

    I wasn’t as lucky as you and I gained a bunch while I let time move on without me. I have since conquered that demon and am now working hard and in no time I will be where I *think* I want to be. You will too.

    Ooops. Didn’t notice my spelling error the 1st time.

    Reply
  2. Syl

    Sabrina, what a powerful post. Looking back sometimes does us no good, I know it’s easier said than done, but sometimes looking forward and moving on is the best cure for “what might of been”.
    I lay awake a night too, it’s horrible, because as I lay my head on my pillow all these thoughts come to my head….then I try to count sheep 😉

    Reply
  3. Tamara

    I have a countdown clock rolling in my head… 23 more days until we move back to the US… each day is harder to get through, but we manage.

    Reply
  4. kristisn

    I often think about all the time I have wasted on this weight loss journey. I try to only think about the future, where I’m going not where I have been, but sometimes that time clock slips into my brain and leaves me feeling defeated.

    Reply
  5. armageddjenn

    “Maintenance is a sleepless place!” You said it, sister. I’ve been stagnant (well, actually with a partial regain) for about eight months now. Time has not been my friend, so maybe I need to make time my b*tch? 😉 I wish I had advice to pull out of the slump… just know I believe in you!! (((Hugs)))

    Reply
  6. Shelia

    Why is it that our minds race at night when we are trying to fall asleep? I hear what you are saying and I have been there with that scale in the middle of the night. I would get up to go to the bathroom and I just had to step on it!! I would always go back to bed and think, “who does that”. I have been trying hard not to focus on the scale but as of now that thing “consumes” me. Hang in there

    Reply
  7. Anonymous

    Dear Sabrina,

    Like yourself I have a battle im still, and constantly, battling. Yours may be with weight but mine is with depression. I’ve dealt with depression for several years now though just this past year have I felt better about myself. It has controlled me and taken me to the point where I thought I would be like this for a very long time. That was also back when I was staying up until 4 am, regularly, convincing friends suicide was not the answer. My school grades suffered, my health suffered, my social well-being suffered. The past few weeks I have begun to slip back into my depression and I fear I could reach down to where I was before. I’ve been to a therapist but unfortunately it was to no help since I would not really tell her how I felt. I do not know how I will be able to fight this monster this time since the people who I used to confide in, have left me all alone.

    Thank you for listening and sharing your stories with all of us,
    Anonymous

    Reply
  8. Sarah

    I have been holding pretty steady as well… just a SUPER gradual decrease. My one year will hit in September… which seems far away, but I know it is on my heels. Tick tock tick tock.

    Reply
  9. Arielle

    You and me both, hon!!! I hate that I’ve been on this journey for a year and a half and at this point, I only have -13 freaking pounds to show for it. But I can say that I’m a couple sizes smaller… but I’ve lost a lot of muscle because of my shoulder injury & having to quit lifting…so I feel like I’m starting from the ground up. I’ve decided that I’m not going to let that stop me, though! I started 30 Day Shred to kind of rebuild my muscle (Lord knows, my shoulder can’t handle any 12 1/2 lb weights for curling anymore – sigh) and I’ll go from there. You can do it, too! You still have the tools, you still can have the mindset, just get to it!!

    Reply

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