A Battle Within.

I have been sitting here for about an hour just starring at a blank compose page. I know what I am feeling, but I just don’t know how to write it.

So this post is for me to figure things out. For me to try to articulate and think my way through this battle.

Today I completed the 5th day of the 30 Day Shred, only 26 more to go. I certainly feel the burn, I feel accomplished, and I tend to be very productive afterwards. But that is where the battle begins.

For the last 24 hours all I want to do is indulge in food. Okay, maybe it’s more like OVER indulge. Last night, while I was watching Monday Night Football, I saw commercials for everything from pizza to BBQ ribs and pasta. Every food or restaurant crossed my mind, even if it was not show on TV. Right now, Oprah is on in the background. Martha Stewart is on with her, and they are making gourmet grilled cheese. Not good… well it is good… BUT IT’S NOT GOOD!!

Today I have been swaying between ordering pizza, take out Chinese, and desserts. I don’t want to order it because I know I will over indulge. A few weeks ago, at the end of the No Numbers Challenge, I BLOGGED about my struggle with food and how I use food. Since that blog, I would say that 90% of my days have been filled with good choices and healthy food.

Okay, so I have been working out pretty consistently for a while, and eating between 1200-1500 calories regularly. I would think that moving more and eating less would equate to weight loss. See that ticker up top? It’s been stuck at the same place for about two weeks. The scale has been reading 188 point something for two weeks.

I have made Wednesday’s my official weigh in day. When I am done writing this blog I am going to put together a spreadsheet to track not only my weight, but ALL my measurements. Within the next few weeks I hope to at least see the inches shed, even if the pounds aren’t shedding. I am also making a training calendar for my daily Shred activity as well as C25K training. I like charts, calendars and lists.

The lack of results cause me to doubt myself. And when I doubt myself I want to give up and ruin my progress. It makes me want to order a pizza, some chinese, and then make some brownies. I have to keep telling myself to fight the battle and not give it. The results will come.

This journey is anything but easy. But I guess that makes it worth fighting for.

Do you have a battle you fight within yourself?
What is it and how do you deal with it?

6 thoughts on “A Battle Within.

  1. Anonymous

    Keep going, Sabrina! My body is also in a bit of a tug-o’-war with my weight loss efforts, and when I step on the scale, I expect to see all my hard-core efforts reflected in the numbers EACH WEEK, which has not been the case. But I know that once my body is used to my more mindful regimen, it will respond. Our bodies WILL fight us in the beginning, but at a certain point, they will cooperate, so don’t give up, and don’t give in!

    Your idea to chart your inches lost is a great one! The changes happening inside us aren’t all told by the scale alone.

    Hit the mute button on the TV when those dang commercials come on — don’t succumb to their persuasive tactics. Your goals for yourself are more important than their goals to make you spend your money on their JUNK!

    What helps stave off my hunger (especially because I’m working out hard these days, so I AM hungrier), is to eat more fat and protein and lay off the processed carbs — it’s more filling and it works for a lot of people.

    It also helps me to re-frame my “struggle” as more of a health makeover — everything I’m doing is in support of improving my mental and physical health by losing my excess weight. If I look at it as a fight that I need to win, I will always be plagued by doubts that I’m not strong enough — and I know I’m strong!

    I heard a great quote the other day: “If hunger isn’t the question, food isn’t the answer.”


  2. Rob Montgomery

    Sounds like you are doing all the right things to get that scale moving downward. Sometimes the scale just doesn’t agree. But all you can do is keep on keepin on and fight those urges. You will win in the long run!

  3. Kelsey

    Keep it up! I struggle with food every single day. I have to fight myself from falling back into my old habits and running through the drive-thru on my way home. I don’t always do what’s best for myself in that regard, but I am *changing*. You know that you’ve changed because you struggle with it, and you don’t just give in. I think that we’re much the same in that this issue with food will never magically be over one day, it’ll be a struggle forever so we just need to get used to it and know how to deal.

    Have a great rest of the week, Sabrina!

  4. Sarah

    I know what you mean. My scale stayed within the same 5 pds. for 4 months know matter what I did. I wanted to stop so many times but it is a battle you can win. Just keep remembering how great you feel now that you are eating better and moving more!

  5. Syl

    sabrina, just to put things in perspective for you I have been losing and gaining the same 4 pounds for the last year. I work out usually 6 days a week (when not doing a challenge like the current one), I mix it up between running and other activities yet the scale is not moving.
    To combat this feeling of being not good enough I have put my scale away and I have to say it was a good decision. ACtually I didn’t really put it away it’s on my bathroom floor but I have no desire to step on it because I know I am worth more than a number.
    It’s like a snow ball effect, in weighing our selves and not liking what we see, it leads to making poor food choices and not wanting to workout. No matter what that scale says you are worth more!
    Also SAbrina, one thing to remember with the shred that you are gaining muscle mass, this may be one of the reasons why you are not seeing a change.
    I have done the shred many times and rarely have I lost on the scale, but rather lost in measurements and the way my clothes fit. Just a FYI for you!
    CHin up girl!


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