I finally got to weigh in today… the No Numbers Challenge is over.
In last night’s post I said I really wanted to take this extra night to reflect on the challenge. I was able to do so with a clear head, not yet knowing what the scale said.
If you read my post in the beginning, you know I was taking on quite the challenge. Especially for someone like myself, just starting out. I blogged about the great days and the wonderful feelings, but I also blogged about the not so great days and lack of motivation.
Last night, I realized MY weight loss journey is like a recovery program. I decided to lose weight, get fit, and healthy again. So I needed to stick to the program, and the plan then all roads would lead me to my goals. There is the problem; looking back I know I did not stick to the program to the best of my abilities. I fell off the wagon.
Sometimes I fell of for a day, other times it was longer, but then I felt like I was racing against the wind to catch back up and get back on. With about 10 days left of the challenge I felt like I was so off track, and I lacked that spark that was there in the beginning. I bought the 30 Day Shred and felt great about it. Then I fell off the wagon again after I sat here and told you all that I would give the last week of the challenge everything I had. This weekend came, and I can not say I gave it my all. I had fallen off again!
I can only think of where I could be had I been much more disciplined in my journey. I am not upset with my results; I am upset with my lack of dedication and determination. I know it’s a hard journey, but I won’t succeed if I keep falling off the wagon and failing myself. One binge day leads to two, or three, then a week and a month, and then I am back where I started. Or worse! I know I am in a better place than when I started, I learned a lot about myself and what it takes to lose weight.
Getting healthy and losing weight is recovery from food abuse and addiction. Maybe not for you, but for me. It’s how I got here. I used food for just about any reason you can think of. I have an unhealthy relationship with food. Yes, I still have an unhealthy relationship because I still fall off the wagon and have binge days that I obviously know are wrong.
So last night, I asked my self… Sabrina, would you be supportive of a recovering alcoholic having a drink or a recovering drug addict getting a quick high? (I am in no way trying to offend anyone, this is my blog and it is the best way I know how to relate the situation, I apologize if I have.) No, I would not be supportive. It’s not good for their recovery just like a binge on food is not good for mine.
With that being said, I am going to spend the next several days trying to figure out what it’s going to take for me to be successful. This is my journey, so it has to work for me. If I fail, I am only failing myself, and that is not right.
Again, let me say that I am in no way upset with the weight I loss during this 30 day challenge. I am disappointed that I did not do better with my eating habits and my workouts. Something is going to have to change and it has to start from within me.
I am sorry for a lengthy post, but I hope my ramblings make some sort of sense. Thanks to everyone for being so supportive, you all are great. Your encouraging words mean more to me than you know.